38 weeks today!

Hi everyone, I am 38 weeks today and am really starting to feel uncomfortable. I went for my checkup yesterday and it was mostly routine, they talked about my upcoming c-section on the 27th, made my pre-op appt for next Wednesday morning, but they weren't going to check me since I had a scheduled c-section. So, I asked the dtr to anyways mainly b/c I was curious, I didn't get checked one time with Aidan at the end and really would have liked to have known if I was dilated at all with him. So, they did and I am 1 cm dilated and 50-60% effaced or thinned out. Not much I know, but things have started at least. I realize that if I decided to not have the c-section I could stay at a 1 or 2cm for days or weeks. I have been having some cramping on and off, so its not like nothing is happening, but its definitely not full blown labor either. It does excited me that my body has started its preparation for labor and that it could possibly happen before next Thursday. But, I know the odds are that I probably wont. Even though my water did break with Aidan at the beginning of my 38th week! But, this pregnancy is already different in that I didn't have any cramping or pains before my water broke and I've had pains on and off for the past week.

I've had the strangest experience with this practice, in that, I have seen a different dtr every time and most of the time they have to work me in b/c I end up coming on a day that the dtr I was suppose to see if off delivering a baby. So, I haven't really gotten to know one particular dtr really well to say who my primary dtr is. I did like talking to the dtr I saw yesterday, Dr. Kaplan, such a sweet little man. He apparently is a big advocate of VBACs and said that he thought I should not have any problems having one if I went into labor on my own. He also wants me to come back in next Tuesday to get checked again and if things have progressed at all I can make the decision whether or not to postpone my surgery and see if I can do it on my own. I'm so torn as to what to do, I think a lot of my decision will be based on how I'm feeling that day. I've talked to Chris about it and he so wants me to have the c-section, he did admit to me that he doesn't want to see me in the pain of labor and I think it scares him to be that out of control and to not be able to help me.

I do like that the choice is ultimately up to me, but it also makes it difficult to decide what would be best. Ideally a vaginal birth would be better for recovery time, but my fear is that I start labor and things don't progress and I end up having a c-section anyways. I definitely don't want to have an emergency c-section. But, part of me feels like I've missed out not having a vaginal birth and the other part knows what to expect out of a planned c-section. I guess I'm just going to wait and see what happens over the next few days and then make my final decision next Tues or Wed. Whatever I end up deciding I just want my little Emma to get here safely. I wish I wasn't so wishy washy! :)